


i'm made in you

by sleepy_orange



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M, Misunderstandings, Smut, dispatch ruins lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:42:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25668406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepy_orange/pseuds/sleepy_orange
Summary: Every last word of his album was about Sehun, for Sehun, and now he is going to present it to the world - his whole heart in 6 songs.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 7
Kudos: 132
Collections: EXO Home4U - 2020





	i'm made in you

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: canon! a dating scandal broke out about sehun and sehun assuring junmyeon that he's the only one sehun loves and needs. 
> 
> Dear prompter, I know I deviated a little from your prompt, but I hope you still enjoy it! 
> 
> Some of the timelines in this fic is a little fudged, but I hope you will forgive me for that and just go with the story. For example, I know that Xiuweet time was before Junmyeon’s birthday, but we’re going to move it after for our purposes.
> 
> Also. First time writing smut. Fun times.

Junmyeon stares at the sheet of paper in front of him. The blankness seems to be taunting him with all that white space just begging to be written on. He sits up straighter, picks up his pen, rests it against the paper...but the words just won't come. 

Ever since he was old enough to know that he wanted to be a singer, and especially ever since he debuted with EXO, he's always wanted to release a solo album. It was to be, if not the pinnacle of his journey, but a milestone, a check off the bucket list, a chance for him to show Junmyeon to the world and not just Suho. 

If only the words would come. 

He's been doing the same routine for the past few weeks; going to the studio, sitting at the desk and just staring at that blank sheet of paper. At first it was too cold, then it was too warm, then too quiet, then he was hungry. There was always something bothering him, pulling him away. For the first time in a long time, Junmyeon feels restless, as if the words were trapped beneath the skin, if only he could get them out.

He remembers Chanyeol's words when he'd dropped by the matter's studio a few days ago, once again at a loss in his writing and needing the distraction. Chanyeol had welcomed him in; shared his latest compositions, his ideas for what NNG could shoot next, the complimentary YouTube comments by people who were not already fans of his but had stumbled across his videos and liked it. And at the end of the day, Chanyeol had sent him off with:

_Hyung, just write what you know. Write about your experiences and your dreams and what you want to accomplish._

Junmyeon doesn’t think he is spectacular. Sure he is the leader of a major boyband, but there are other, better, leaders at his company, he feels. He knows he is a good singer, but he isn’t even the best in the group. He is a decent dancer, better than he was when he started, but nothing to crow about. He is never the first to catch anyone's eyes when people watch them perform and he is never the one to make a lasting impression. Most of the time he’s fine with that, he feels it is his job to let his members shine brighter. But it is really inconvenient when it comes to figuring what to write when he feels that his life is just... ordinary.

Except. There is one thing.

_Hyung, write about what you know._

If he is going to write about what he knows, then he is going to write about the most extraordinary thing that ever happened to him.

Resolved, Junmyeon starts to write about a boy - the boy he loved who became a man.

===

_In my empty inside_

_Breathe in your breath_

_So that I can float again_

_My endless blue_

_\- O2_

Everybody remembers 2014 as being the black year for EXO, but in truth, it was 2015 that had almost broken them.

Sometimes being the leader of 11 other boys was an incredibly lonely existence. For a while, he had had Yi Fan to share the burden with. Someone he could go to when the expectations weighed heavy because he shared the same burden, someone he could complain about the other members to if only because they were his members too and it felt a little less like a betrayal, someone he could be 21-year-old Junmyeon with and not just 'the leader'. They were all EXO members, but only Yi Fan knew what it was like to be the leader and have those great expectations weighing on you.

But then Yi Fan left, and it felt like the rug had been pulled right from under Junmyeon. Suddenly he was left to bear the weight alone, and for a moment, he almost buckled.

He wasn't sure whose decision it was to move Sehun to room with him. He had come back from a solo tv schedule one day to find the lanky teenager sprawled on the spare bed, limbs akimbo. Sehun hadn't even noticed when he'd walked in, occupied in typing furiously on his phone. A few months ago, Junmyeon would have pouted, feeling slighted, not used to being ignored by Sehun and teased the youngest till he got some attention, but it had unfortunately become a common thing to be ignored now.

Junmyeon took a moment to look at Sehun, really look at him while he was still for a moment. He couldn't remember when was the last time he saw him still as he had constantly been going out with his friends and coming back late at night. He was worried, to be honest, unsure whom he had been going out with, unsure if the youngest had been drinking more than was appropriate, unsure if he was coping well with Luhan's and Yi Fan's departure. He knew that Luhan leaving had affected Sehun more than he was letting on. But every time Junmyeon had tried to start a conversation, Sehun had come up with an excuse that he had to be somewhere else and left. Sehun was acting like the teenager he really was and Junmyeon, as someone who had always been serious and rational, even as a teenager, was at a loss of how to bring back the sweet boy that he knew from a few months back. 

Junmyeon reached his hand out to smooth out Sehun's eyebrows. He could feel him stiffening, silence descending in the room as the tap tap tap of his fingers on the screen slowed and then stopped. Junmyeon ignored that and slowly moved his fingers to bury in Sehun's hair. He ran them through his hair, once, twice, thrice. The minutes passed and as he continued his caress, he could feel Sehun relaxing under his touch. 

Junmyeon could tell the moment Sehun brought his guard back up as his entire body stiffened. Suddenly, he moved as if to get off the bed. 

Junmyeon caught his fingers as he moved away: "Sehunnie, stay. Please."

Sehun paused and turned around. He looked like a wild animal caught in a trap, unsure if he could trust again, trust one more time, trust that the person asking him to stay wouldn't be the one to leave. At that moment, he looked ever so young to Junmyeon.

"I'm not going anywhere. So please, stay."

There was a beat when neither moved and no breaths were taken. Then a whine crawled out of Sehun's throat as his face crumpled. Shoulders hunched, he got back into the bed and buried his face in Junmyeon's lap. He didn't sob, he didn't move, and Junmyeon would have thought that he had fallen asleep immediately if not for the shuddering breaths he took once in a while and the fingers clutched around his shirt tightening with each breath as if to convince himself that Junmyeon was still there. 

Sehun was Chanyeol's first, he was always Chanyeol's first, with the way the boy had practically raised him. But from that night on, he became Junmyeon's too. 

===

_After following the scent of the flowers_

_I’m watching me hesitating_

_You’re so beautiful that I carefully_

_Knock on your heart_

_My love my love._

_\- Let's Love_

Things change after that, but also, don't. They fall back to the closeness they had previously, but more. They talk to each a little bit more, share a little bit more their fears of the future and their dreams of what they want to build with EXO, they rely on each other a little bit more, to be that safe space, that person to provide unconditional love and support at the end of the day. 

Sehun starts sending him little messages every day, a cute 'Good morning hyung ☺️' when he has to leave early for a solo schedule and leave Junmyeon to wake up alone in their bed, a supportive 'Fighting! You can do it!" when he knows Junmyeon has been stressing about his drama and juggling filming with preparing for their comeback, a plaintive 'What time are you coming home? 🥺' when he was feeling lonely and a little abandoned. 

Junmyeon, he knows it's a little silly, and he doesn't know why he does it, but he keeps all the messages. He screenshots them and saves them in a private folder, and when things are a little tough for him, on days when he has not slept for more than 2 hours each night, when he misses the noise and ease being around his members bring, he reads those messages and is comforted in the thought that indeed, here is someone who loves him as Junmyeon, warts and all.

He knows their relationship is not quite that of a leader and the maknae, or that it is that, but also more. They're slowly crossing the line to something more, more private, more intimate, something that is just for the two of them. He knows the others can see it too. The way he catches Minseok looking at them thoughtfully when they're curled together on the sofa watching TV. The way Chanyeol and Baekhyun sends Sehun to cheer him up when he's had a bad day. The way Kyungsoo rolls his eyes when Junmyeon gives in to one of Sehun's brattier demands. 

He's seen the way Sehun looks at him. But more than that, he's also seen the way he looks at Sehun. He's seen the photos taken by the fans, the fancams and the compilations. He's besotted, and it's just a matter of time. 

Junmyeon has to be the one to confess to Sehun. Sehun is brash and a brat and wears his heart on his sleeve, but in this, he is still very much the naive 23-year-old. He has also been the one to tentatively reach out to Junmyeon with his little messages, so Junmyeon feels that it's only fair for him to be one to actually say the words. 

He can't lie - he's scared. Scared of making a mess of their careers, but mostly scared of losing Sehun and this quiet fragile precious thing they've built. But he thinks it's worth it if he gets to keep Sehun by his side, maybe not forever, but for as long as he will have him. 

So one night, when they're lying in bed talking quietly, Junmyeon reaches out to take Sehun's hand, squeezes it, and says out loud: I love you.

All he hears in return is a sleepy hum.

(He had to then clarify that he meant love in the romantic sense. Turns out, he tells Sehun that he loves him every other day, or enough that it doesn't elicit the kind of reaction that he thought it would. Neither did bringing Sehun out on a date or bringing him dinner because that too was a common enough occurrence. It wasn't until Junmyeon actually kissed him on the lips that Sehun finally realised what he meant. )

===

_I, I ’m made by you_

_The reason I shine_

_Is because the sun called you looks at me_

_\- Made in you_

Boyfriend Sehun is kind of perfect. He takes them out for dates. He remembers their anniversaries - the little dates that are meaningless to everyone else but that Sehun finds important; the date that Junmyeon finally confessed, the date they went out for dinner for the first time as a real couple, the date he met Junmyeon's parents as his boyfriend. He buys little gifts for him - things that he saw while on his solo schedule that reminded him of his boyfriend, and leaves it by their bedside. 

"It's not a competition, hyung," Sehun would say when he complains about it to him, but Junmyeon can see the glint in his eyes and practically hear the gears in his brain moving thinking how to do even better. He's been hanging out too much with Chanyeol, Junmyeon thinks. 

So maybe he'd gotten used to being spoilt by his boyfriend. So used to it in fact that when his birthday comes, Junmyeon expected something from Sehun. There were the usual birthday celebrations from the members in their group chat - Chanyeol being the first to wish him at exactly midnight followed by the rest. Sehun had joined in with the birthday wishes, but their private chat remained silent. Junmyeon understood, he was probably still busy with his fashion show responsibilities in Paris, and there was the whole time difference to take into consideration.

He had replied to all their birthday wishes warmly and gone to work that day, where his fellow actors had gotten him a cake and sang a birthday song in front of everyone. He cringed, but he loved it, really. Even his parents had called him to wish him a happy birthday and ask when Sehun was coming home. That had made his day slightly brighter - knowing that his parents loved Sehun and were probably as delighted as, if not more than, him when they finally got together. He had messaged Sehun telling him mom wanted them to come home soon, but that went unanswered too. 

He wasn't sulking, he wasn't. That would be ridiculous and weird for a 28-year-old man to sulk just because his boyfriend was too busy to send him a personal birthday message. But that still didn't stop his bottom lip from jutting out as he unlocked the doors to the apartment that he shared with Sehun, expecting an empty reception. 

As expected, the apartment was silent and he didn't bother switching on the lights as he made his way to his room, knowing the well-trudged route by now. He pushed open the door to his room and stopped at the doorway. There was someone on his bed. Addendum; there was a tall and lanky someone on his bed, curled up on the side of the bed that was Junmyeon's, hugging his pillow to his chest. 

Junmyeon continued into the room, not quite believing what he was seeing, not quite ready to believe that Sehun was really here, really in his room, really on his bed. He saw the birthday hat still attached to his head, the poppers lying abandoned by Sehun's outstretched hand, the cake with cheerful numbers 2 and 8 candles stuck on it sitting by the bedside table. He also saw the tired lines on Sehun's face, sleep having smoothened most of it out, the circles under his eyes and the luggage thrown haphazardly in the corner of the room. 

And in that moment, Junmyeon falls even more in love with Sehun than he ever thought possible.

He doesn't wake Sehun up. Junmyeon had the next day off, a little present for having had to work on his actual birthday. And he knew the managers would probably have cleared Sehun's schedules to let him recover from jetlag for the next few days. So for now, he quietly packs the cake into the fridge, gently removes the hat from Sehun's head (he had stirred, mumbling something under his breath but not actually waking up) and set aside the popper, making a mental note to hide it away from Sehun forever. Junmyeon changed into his sleepwear, switched off both their phones and got into bed next to him.

There would be time enough for a proper celebration tomorrow. 

===

_It was us; it was you._

_Star, stars_

_You fly into a dark memory_

_\- Starry Night_

It always hurts to be proven wrong, and it turns out that time was not on their side. 

He wakes up to the sound of his phone going off, not that of the normal morning alarm but the notifications he had set for any news articles of the members going off. He clicks on the notification, expecting it to be something about one of their upcoming schedules.

What he sees instead makes him sit up in bed, ice running through his veins.

There are photos of Sehun and Sejeong together in Paris. The captions and the comments make it clear it was more than a friendly get together between co-stars; but even without them, the pictures were incriminating enough. 

There are photos of them on a bridge together, Sehun holding an umbrella to shelter them from the light rain (and Junmyeon thinks: that was the bridge that they had paused to take photos on the last time they were in Paris, having to mime to ask one of the locals to take the picture of them, grinning and giddily in love when she had told them they were a cute couple). Photos of them walking along the cobblestones and Sehun had wrapped his coat around her, like the gentleman he was (Junmyeon noticed that it was the coat he had bought for Sehun for their anniversary last year, and that, more than the implied intimacy of the photos, hurt more). Photos of them leaning in close to talk in a restaurant setting, Sejeong laying her hand on Sehun’s arm (and that...that photo had Junmyeon reflexively closing the app, crawling over a still sleeping Sehun, stumbling to the bathroom, and retching over the toilet bowl. The picture was burnt into his eyes and he would have recognised that cafe anywhere. It was where they had their first kiss after all, hidden in a corner booth, giggling at the thrill of going on a date unrecognised). 

“Hyung? What’s wrong? Are you sick?” Sehun’s sleepy voice comes from outside the bathroom. He pushes down on the handle, and Junmyeon barely manages to slam it shut with his foot before Sehun could see him.

“Sehun, no. Get out.”

There was a stunned silence at the harsh tone of Junmyeon’s voice. Then, quieter, Sehun spoke: “Okay.”

Junmyeon rests his head on the cool porcelain, taking deep breaths, or at least trying to, to stave off the panic attack he could feel was coming. He’d always known that this thing he had with Sehun had an expiration date; they were idols after all and their relationships are treated as a commodity by the companies. A small (but persistent) part of him also thinks that maybe there will be a time in the future when Sehun would find someone better. He was it for Jumyeon, his first love, his last love, but Junmyeon was not conceited enough to think that he could ever be good enough for Sehun forever. He had just hoped for a little longer. 

But even in his worst nightmares, he never thought that Sehun would be cruel enough to move on without telling him first, to use Junmyeon’s token of affections against him, to tarnish their memory of Paris like that. 

He grits his teeth against the sobs; he would not give Sehun his tears.

It was almost thirty minutes later before Junmyeon finally leaves the bathroom. He looks up and Sehun is sitting on the bed, Junmyeon’s phone in his hand opened to the article.

“Hyung, I can explain.”

It was the guilt on his face that finally made the tears fall.

===

_The sound of your breaths and your laughs_

_I draw you, draw everything_

_Into my life_

_\- Self Portrait_

If his life hadn’t changed much when he finally got together with Sehun, life without him feels like the world turned upside down. Sehun had wrapped himself in every aspect of Junmyeon’s life, from his personal to his professional, that to not have him there any more feels like waking up into a perpetual nightmare with no escape. Junmyeon knows it might be a little churlish and unkind for a leader to think as such, but he’s glad that EXO is on a little bit of a hiatus right now, what with them all focusing on their solo projects and albums so that he has a reason to not be around Sehun as much. 

The apartment feels a little colder, a little lonelier, a little quieter without Sehun’s warm presence in it. The dirty laundry is piling up without Sehun there to remind him to run the washing machine. Every time Junmyeon looks at the sink full of dirty dishes, he can hear Sehun grumble about how messy he was and how it wouldn't take more than a minute to just load the dishwasher. The special brand chocolate milk that Sehun loves sits growing spoiled slowly in their fridge because he was no longer there to drink it, and Junmyeon knows it’s stupid, knows he should be coping with this a little bit better, but he can’t bear to throw the milk away because then it would feel final, feel real. 

He has not slept in their bed since that day. 

They’d talk that morning; and while it really wasn’t as bad as the pictures had made it look, it was bad enough. Dispatch had gotten their hands on some incriminating pictures of Sejeong with her older (much older) boyfriend, and Sehun had been doing her a favour to get them off her back. SM and their managers were aware of the plan, and while they were not happy with Sehun getting himself involved in dating rumours, they couldn’t stop him when he was so determined.

Junmyeon could understand the rationale behind it; knows how close Sehun is to her, how he treats her like the younger sister that he doesn’t have, could see how all his protective instincts would have been raised at the thought of her privacy and career getting jeopardised. He knows that they have the privilege of being from a big company, being from one of the world’s most successful groups, being men, that their reputation could withstand the shock of such a scandal that Sejeong wouldn’t be able to on her own. 

He could understand all that, and yet still not comprehend why they decided to enact their plan in Paris, on that bridge, in that cafe. Why the coat. Why didn’t Sehun tell him first? Why let him find out from the news?

And for that Sehun didn't have an answer, just looked at him, silent, guilt all over his face. 

Junmyeon decided then that maybe some time apart would do them good. They’d gotten too entangled in each other’s lives, too much of him started and ended with Sehun. A little time apart, a little distance would be good for them. He needed to focus, get started on his own solo album. Time was running out for him as well before he had to enlist and there was work to be done. Sehun would just be a distraction (or so he told himself).

So Sehun moves out, and for the first time in 8 years, Junmyeon is living alone without him.

It wasn’t easy getting used to a life without Sehun. He misses the messages that Sehun used to give him, still rereads them whenever he misses him that little bit more. Jumyeon never used to remember all their anniversaries, but he does now, and he ticks them off as the first anniversaries that he’s spent without Sehun with him. The first time he went home for dinner without Sehun, his mom had taken one look at him and given him a tight hug.

Tough would be an understatement. 

But Junmyeon is nothing if not stubborn, and he is determined to do this. He tries to move back into their bedroom, but the memories were too much, and call him weak, but Jumyeon doesn't have the strength to deal with them every day. He decides to move into the guest bedroom instead. The rest of Sehun’s things are still in the apartment, but the guest bedroom at least, is the one sanctuary Junmyeon has away from all the memories. 

He sees Sehun sometimes in the company building, and of course they still have meetings and events together. The first of them is Minseok’s goodbye fanmeeting. He tries to stay as far away from Sehun as possible while they wait backstage, but it is impossible to have the space on stage. He is only two spaces away from Sehun, can always see him in his peripheral version, can hear his voice, smell his cologne, and it is enough to weaken his resolve. At one point, he senses Sehun standing right behind him, can feel the warmth from his body, and Junmyeon has to clutch his arms to stop himself from reaching out to him.

Life has a way of continuing on even when you feel like it is crawling. He goes to work, and he goes home. There are a few more articles of Sehun and Sejeong out together, but he steers clear of those. There is no need to rub more salt into his wound. 

Days slowly pass, and Junmyeon gets a visit from Sejeong one day in the practice room.

He is surprised to see her, and some of that must have shown on his face because she starts with, “I’m sure I’m the last person you want to see right now. But Sehun told me what happened and I feel like I need to explain a little too.”

“Sejeong, you don’t have to -”

“No, I do. I know you guys broke up because of me, or at least because of what happened in Paris. And I know Sehun well enough to know that he wouldn’t have put any of the blame on me.”

She pauses, lays her hand on her flat stomach, and Junmyeon’s eyes widen. Sejeong catches his eye and laughed nervously, “Yes. They found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t just the pictures of us, they’d somehow also found out about the pregnancy. We’d just found out a few days before and I hadn’t even told my members or my family. I found out while we were in Paris. I panicked and asked Sehun for help.

Everything happened so fast. We had to let our companies know and get their agreement. We didn’t really know where to go, we just needed to get photographed. And Sehun had been telling me about the two of you being there together a few years ago, so I asked him to just show me all those places.”

Sejeong takes a step closer to Junmyeon, and up close he can see the beginnings of a bump, easy enough to conceal with the right clothes and a bag. They hadn’t interacted much before this, spoken once or twice before only, but Junmyeon remembers a vibrant young woman, fearless, always teasing, always laughing. She looks so small now, so much shorter than him, and he can see the bags under her eyes. He feels a pang of pity for her then, knows that the lie can only go for so long - she would have to face her own truth soon and they both know that it might spell the end of her fledgling career.

“Junmyeon, he spent the whole time we were together talking about you. He was planning all the new places he would bring you to. He was so excited to come back with you.”

Junmyeon doesn't know what to do with the information she’s just given him, doesn't know what to say, mind still reeling and processing. Finally he remembers his manners, thanks her for coming, for filling in some of the blanks he had in their story and asks for some time. Sejeong leaves, but Junmyeon remains in that practice room late into the night. 

Unfortunately there is no magic cure to fix the broken parts of their relationship. Trust was still broken, but he has context now and maybe that helps a little. Things don’t magically get better, but there is a defrosting in the tensions. He knows that since he had asked for a break, Sehun would respect his boundaries and keep their interactions only to the professional side of things. He has to be the one to offer the olive branch, so to speak.

He starts with a message: “Congratulations on the sub-unit. I’m sure you’ll do well -” He stops typing for a moment, unsure how to end the message. “I’m sure you’ll do well, Sehunnie.” He types it out quickly and sends it before he could overthink it. 

Sehun had replied, tentatively, but reply he did. And their messages had continued on. It's stilted at first, there are long hours between the replies, but it was progress and Junmyeon starts hoarding the messages again. 

The first time they meet since the defrosting (as Junmyeon has started to call it in his head) is awkward, to say the least. They are headed to Hong Kong for a performance and Jumyeon manages a small smile at Sehun at the airport once they were past all the security. Sehun had looked pleased, surprised, but pleased and a little hopeful. He returns the smile, but otherwise sticks close to Chanyeol the entire journey, heads bent and still discussing their upcoming debut. The next day, Sehun does a surprise Instagram video for the fans of them backstage and Junmyeon was taken off guard by him coming so close that he barely manages to school his face into something closer to annoyance than panic.

So there is progress. Slow progress and at the speed they are going, Junmyeon can possibly see them having a proper conversation face to face about non-EXO things maybe by the end of the year. He's eager to push things a little bit faster, a little bit further, but he doesn't want to push Sehun past whatever speed he is comfortable in taking, plus Junmyeon is resolute in his thinking that it is good for them to take it slow. They need to take it slow. They’d jumped from being colleagues to roommates to boyfriends so quickly that they hadn’t really had time to develop themselves as separate individuals outside of their coupledom. 

But maybe Sehun himself feels they were progressing too slowly, because one day Junmyeon wakes up to an instagram post from him:

===

_To you who’s fast asleep tonight_

_I will tell you about my feelings_

_I finally tell you the words I couldn’t before_

_You will have a happy dream today, too_

_\- For You Now_

  
  


They come together in a crash of lips, bodies slamming against the door. The sound and the force of his back hitting the wood was enough to break Junmyeon out of his daze.

He angles his neck up, hands rummaging in his pocket for his keys, “Sehun-ah, hold on. Let me unlock the door - “ gasping as Sehun takes the opportunity to suck kisses down his neck.

“Hurry up, hyung.”

Junmyeon turns around in Sehun’s arms, and it's even worse this way, because he can feel the line of Sehun’s cock, a hard hot line that he can feel even through his jeans. He fumbles quickly with the keypad, hands shaking and having trouble entering the numbers, trying his best to ignore Sehun who has moved on to trying to unbuckle Junmyeon’s pants. They were still outside where anyone could see them. Yes, the building security was top notch, it was why they had gotten an apartment in this building in the first place, but it still wouldn’t stop any of their neighbours from poking their heads out to investigate the noise and discovering them. 

Finally they got through the door and Junmyeon just manages to kick it shut before Sehun succeeded in pulling his pants down - at least his neighbours wouldn’t see his bare ass. 

Sehun pushes him against the door, gets down to his knees and peels his underwear off. He looks at Junmyeon’s cock, half hard already, and says softly, reverently, “I’ve missed this.”

It's such a random Sehun thing to say, said more to his cock than to Junmyeon himself, that he couldn’t help but choke back a laugh. He understands the sentiment though, understands that he is referring to the shared intimacy and not just the act, understands that sometimes Sehun’s not good at saying such words face to face. His heart softens at this beautiful boy on his knees in front of him, so happy, so grateful to be given another chance with him. Junmyeon cards his fingers through Sehun’s hair, running it through the strands the way he knows Sehun likes, and pushes Sehun forward to his cock. 

The feel of Sehun’s mouth on him feels like the first time all those years ago, and Junmyeon has to recite song lyrics in his head to stop himself from coming almost immediately. It has been too long, hasn’t been anyone else, couldn’t be anyone else, and Sehun knows all the best ways to work his tongue. He can’t quite get it all in his mouth, even with Junmyeon not fully hard, but he makes up for it by using his hand to hold what he can’t quite reach, twisting and applying just the right amount of pressure. 

Soon even reciting the lyrics to Love Shot is not working and Junmyeon tugs on Sehun’s hair to signal to him to stop. He pulls away dazedly, eyes unfocused and blazing with lust, a string of saliva still connected from his lips to Jumyeon’s cock and oh god, Sehun was put on this earth for Jumyeon and he was never going to be stupid enough to let him go again. He tugs Sehun up and kisses him softly, hands running down his side. He can taste himself in Sehun's mouth and that shouldn't be so hot, but it is, and it feels like imprinting a part of him in Sehun. Junmyeon is still burning from the blowjob, so close to the edge that the slightest provocation might make him come, but he knows that Sehun tends to get too into sucking cock and needs to be coaxed back gently. 

“Come back to me, sweetheart.”

Sehun makes a soft noise, resting his head in the crook of his neck. He can feel his heartbeat racing wildly, just like his own was, and maybe they both need a moment to catch their breaths. Things had moved so quickly since Sehun had posted that picture on Instagram, now that Junmyeon knew that he missed him just as much as he had missed the other man. They had progressed to calling each other every night, hearing each other’s voices as they drifted to sleep, telling each other about their day, talking just to hear the other like they used to do when they shared a room in the dorm.

They’d met earlier that day to practice for their upcoming comeback, and Sehun had offered to drive Junmyeon home that night. He had seen the knowing looks on the other member’s faces when Sehun had made the offer but chose to ignore it. They’d known about the breakup, of course, especially Chanyeol as Sehun had been staying with him, and had let them both know in their own ways that they were not choosing sides and would support them in whatever happened. 

They’d been quiet on the drive over and even when they reached the apartment, neither had said a word, letting the tension between them grow until Junmyeon had turned to Sehun and asked him to stay. Sehun had looked at him, undisguised hope in his eyes and switched off the car engine. 

So here they are, standing in the middle of the hallway, Junmyeon naked from the waist down while Sehun is still fully dressed, just resting against each other, swaying together to some unheard music. Finally he moves away, tugging on Sehun’s hands to lead him into the bedroom. 

If things leading up to then had been going at double speed, everything slows down after. Junmyeon wants to take his own time with Sehun, wants to spread him on the bed, wants to draw out all the noises and whimpers that he has been missing out on for so long. He grabs the lube and condoms from the drawer, placing them on the bed as he gets to work undressing Sehun, kissing every inch of skin as it was exposed until Sehun is naked. 

“Lie down for me, sweetheart.” And Sehun listens, has always been good at listening to instructions in the bedroom, getting on the bed, and arranging the pillows so that he can be propped up. 

Keeping his eyes on Sehun, Junmyeon takes his time taking his shirt off. He crawls on top of Sehun, knees on either side, settling his weight on his thighs. He takes a moment to just look at Sehun then, eyes lidded, breaths already quickening, cock standing straight between curls of hair. He’s beautiful and Junmyeon cannot wait for the next part. He squeezes some lube on his fingers, shifts his weight forward and slowly reaches behind him. He has to take his time rubbing circles around his hole before slowly pushing a finger in; it’s been a while and he wants to enjoy this, wants to enjoy the feeling of stretching himself open while Sehun watches, content to let Junmyeon do all the work. 

It takes a while before he works himself up to two fingers, carefully scissoring them and making sure there was plenty of lube before making way for the third finger. He doesn’t realise it, but sometime between the second and third finger, Junmyeon’s closed his eyes, chin dropping to his chest, breathing heavily as he focuses on the stretch, on relaxing the muscle. He jumps when he feels Sehun’s hands on his ass, spreading the cheeks, making it easier for Junmyeon’s fingers to pump in and out. 

“Hyung,” Sehun’s voice comes out strangled, hips starting to move minutely, “Can I?”

Junmyeon reaches over to grab the condoms, but Sehun stops him with a hand to his wrist, “I haven’t.”

The question is clear in Sehun’s eyes and it hangs between them for a few beats. Junmyeon hasn’t thought about it, of course there hasn’t been anyone else for him, and he doesn't think Sehun has been going out every night picking up someone new, but it still feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders when Sehun said that. He leans down and lays a soft kiss on Sehun’s lips, pouring all his love into it, shifting his body weight again before slowly sinking down.

And then it’s just muscle memory taking over, their bodies remembering all the times they’d done this before, remembering the rythms and the sweet spots. Junmyeon knows how to angle his hips so that Sehun’s cock hits the perfect spot in him. Sehun knows when to lie there and let Junmyeon ride him, and when it's time for him to take control. 

He rolls them over, covering Junmyeon’s much smaller body with his, pushing his knees up so that his hole is bared and Sehun can see himself entering Junmyeon with every push. 

It’s overwhelming, it steals the breath from Junmyeon’s chest, it makes him send all the thanks to the universe for making them find their way back to each other, even after everything. And it doesn't take much longer before Junmyeon comes, Sehun following a few strokes later. 

In the aftermath, after they’ve cleaned each other up, after Sehun had made them some late night sandwiches as they just enjoyed each other’s company, quietly talking about small things, as Junmyeon stubbornly tries to fight the sleep in his eyes, he hears Sehun whisper, “I love you, Junmyeon. And I’m sorry. I’ll say I’m sorry every day until you believe me again.”

He finally drifts off to sleep with a smile on his face. 

===

Things are still not perfect after, but they make it work for them. They put in the work and with time, things heal. Sehun tells Junmyeon every day that he loves him, that he’s enough, that he’s home, there could be no one else. And with time, Junmyeon starts believing him, realises that maybe he was too quick to believe the pictures, too quick to buy into the story the tabloids were selling, should have questioned the pictures, should have trusted Sehun, should have known from his own experience with paparazzi that it’s never what it seems. He had let his own insecurities take over and he'd almost lost the love of his life as a result of it.

They spend as much time as they can together for the next few months, glued to each other to the point that even the fans start noticing it. They joke about separation anxiety, and Junmyeon laughs when he reads those comments online, but he knows they’re not wrong. 

All the while, Junmyeon continues preparing for his album, spends some time thinking about the past, about his journey and pours it all out in his songs. Sehun is the first to listen to his album, of course, boyfriend privilege and all. It's possible that Junmyeon is more nervous about him listening to it than he was when presenting it to the senior management for their approval. 

Sehun listens to the album, serious-faced and silent the whole time, and when the last refrain of For You Now plays, looks up at Junmyeon and tearfully jokes, “Hyung, did you write a whole album for me?”

He had. 

Every last word of it was about Sehun, for Sehun, and now he is going to present it to the world - his whole heart in 6 songs. 

He’s nervous, waiting for the Vlive recording to start for his album showcase. He still isn't used to promoting alone without 8 other voices and bodies filling up the space around him. He hears the set director calling 5 minutes to time just as his phone beeps, a message coming in from Sehun: “You’ll do great, Junmyeon-hyung. Love you, proud of you. See you at home.”

Junmyeon smiles, heart finally settling in his chest. He’s got this, he’ll do well and the fans will love it. And even if it doesn’t, he has Sehun at home waiting for him. He’s contented, and he’s happy. He stands up, and as he slides his phone into his pocket, the light catches on his ring, drawing his eye to it. It’s new and he’s still getting used to the weight of it on his finger. There's a weight to it, solid and reassuring. To everyone else, it’s just a silver ring, expensive and probably sponsored. Only Junmyeon and Sehun know about the inscription on the inside: 

_Let’s love._

**Author's Note:**

> Please also forgive me for Sejeong, I just wanted a female costar that could believably be linked to Sehun and that he is close with.


End file.
